I’ve been here in st. John’s for 5 weeks and 2 days. And I have to say it’s been a resounding success. In other words – I loooovvvvvvvvve it.*
Sure, there’ve been a few of those “I’ve made a huge mistake” moments – a phrase that will kill me forever thanks to Will Arnett’s impeccably comic delivery in Arrested Development. Gawd I love that show.
The first “moment” came when I first got here and got a ride to the Futureshop to buy a new 24 inch LCD screen for my computer since I didn’t want to lug my 65 lb CRT tube monitor all the way from Toronto. I asked the sales person 3 times if he was sure the supplied cable would work with my MAC. No, 4 times. I’m sure.
Well, of course it didn’t work. And I spent the whole day and the next trying to figure it out – half of which was spent figurin out where this Futureshop was and how was I supposed to get back out there and how does the bus system work and how I was supposed to do that without an umbrella in this neverending pissing rain. The other half was trying to figure out the cryptic code in what the monitor manufacturer called their product manual.
Yup. I was felled with consumer woes. An embarrassing malaise over how I was supposed to shop without subway trains coming every 5 minutes taking me to consumer heaven. Or the lack of flat roads for easy cycling.
Yup. I was felled. Until a fruitful Google search alerted me to the problem – I had to switch the setting of my monitor from the default setting to match my new $50 dollar (gasp) DVI cable.
The second time was after meeting another ex-Toronto-er. He’d been here 3 years and when I asked if he still liked it he took the question very seriously and answered it without any sugar coating.
Now don’t get me wrong. I hate sugar coaters who give a thumbs up to everything and appreciate honesty- I’ve been jammed up enough by denial enough and and believe a hefty dose of skepticism can keep you alive. And yes, I did agree with half of what he had to say, but man – I was really miserable after I left the guy’s store. Just deflated. Total yuck.
I walked down the street wiping the mist from my glasses, wondering what this mist shit was and thinking “I’ve made a big mistake” before I remembered that hey – I practice zen. Zen eases all suffering. So – I said to myself – hey, man – what’s going on? Yesterday you were so happy tears of joy were running down your face in a pub, and today you want to throw yourself into the harbour?
And I smiled and and thought – yup – look at that. Look at the the extreme differences in the way our thoughts can make us feel. And how you can go from heaven to hell so quickly.
Big lesson remembered – don’t believe your thoughts. And catch them when you can. Plus for me - be careful and stop absorbing other peoples’ shit. Or shitty attitudes.
The third time was 2 days ago, the Tuesday after Labour Day long weekend. I had been sitting at my desk all day working to finish a web site – Down to the Dirt for all ye fans of the film and book, and I went for a walk afterwards to regrow my neck, which tends to disappear with each passing moment in front of the computer screen.
While walking downtown, I picked up an abandoned ghost-town feeling – a difference in the energy. Like the day the circus leaves town. The day the Ex packs up. And I panicked and went right to – wwwahhhh, it’s too small here. Nothing’s happening. I am going to die of boredom and mist asphyxiation.
So, yes, we see extreme thinking can often happen with me.
But then I reminded myself it was a Tuesday. And by St. John’s standards, it was still pretty early. And sure enough, a few minutes later, I bumped into someone I knew at The Victory. And we came upon the Rose and Thistle, which was packed for Trivia night, and the crowds from the the Grapevine next door spilled onto the street and made merry. And I felt less alone, felt the energy and aliveness that the city exudes and that I adore. And once again tears streamed down my face.
So yeah. I looooovvvve it here. The move to NL just fits me so well – like jumping into my favourite baby sleeper with feetsies. Enveloped in stretch cotton, warm and safe.
And I do love it. I do.
PS. I am not making that tear stuff up. I am very weepy, and have decided to no longer hold it back and pretend nothing hurts to fit our war culture. Some stuff does hurt and it’s better to pay attention to it – call it what it is. Hey, it’s not like I am uber sucky and prim, proper and precious either, so it is what it is.
* That “* ” signifies a little “in joke” which comes from a video I made with Kelly Davis last March. In the video, entitled “Kelly Ds famous Walking Tours” - Kelly looks out onto the horizon and proclaims that she can’t believe she’s been in St. John’s for 4 years – and that she indeed looooooovvvvvvveeeessss it.
PSS. That video is very stulted do to my not knowing how to edit on a PC and every time I tried to edit a cut, I just cut the video clip shorter and shorter – and just gave up. I’m not so good with that patience thing.